The Relevance of Ritual

You know when you need to do something, but you keep putting it off and putting it off because actually doing it means the shameful admission of neglect and carelessness and it’s far easier to just pretend that you weren’t aware that you had an obligation in the first place?

Well, here I am, admitting shame and assuming my guilt, so that I may shed it once and for all.

I’ve missed you, my dear readers.

This lovely Saturday finds me in Merced, California. March has begun with blooms on the trees and that annual sunlit promise of spring’s arrival. With just less than two months left on the road, I intend to mirror the new spring grass and grow with softness and endurance.

So bring on the rain, for we all know that’s how grass grows.

Anywho, I sure hope you have been celebrating National Ritual Celebration Week! If there’s one aspect of Greek life that both non-members and members consistently fail to understand, it’s Fraternity Ritual. The ceremonies have gone so far astray as modernity pursues, it’s difficult for anyone to immediately comprehend the necessity of the ritual, let alone understand, revere and celebrate it.

I mean, what’s the big deal? So a bunch of Civil War-era, college-age, top-hatted men and corseted women wrote some fancy prose, learned a couple Greek phrases, and required outsiders to recite vows, wear robes and promise secrecy in order to secure membership.

Why has this antiquated practice persisted through the years?” members and non-members, alike, ask in confusion.

Perhaps it’s done because it’s just always been done. There’s no significant reason to the pomp and circumstance. We just erect elaborate be-curtained structures, sing songs and pass out special badges for the sake of calling ourselves Greek. And why did they choose Greek in the first place? Do we even know anything about Greece? Why not Roman, Russian or Native American? Rather than Poseidon, Tri Delta (or perhaps the Society of the Three Skyward-Pointing Arrows?) might be represented by Chief Roaring Waters.

“Nope,” they all say. “Ritual presents no significance or pertinence to modern college students and society.”

But… just for the sake of argument, let’s take another look.

The badge. Who wears it? Initiated members. Why? Because they have proved themselves worthy. What does that entail? Blindfolds and pledge-ship? Animal sacrifice?

Interesting thought, but no. We wear it because it means something. Rather than just a piece of jewelry, its significance touches our hearts, brings us back to our founding, reminds us of our values.

Admittedly, one might question the value that could be had in a secret ritual. If ritual is such a good thing, why is it kept hidden?

Because though we each have our own symbols, patrons and secret mottoes, the true meaning behind these many representations should, in fact, be broadcast to the world through action and accomplishment. Everyone who meets a Tri Delta should be able to tell that she honors and upholds the values of truth, self-sacrifice and friendship. Those particular words may be hidden secretly within certain phrases and emblems, but it is our duty to live the meaning.

We do that by taking a reflective and selfless look at the way we live our lives. By pledging ourselves during ritual, we vow to hold ourselves to a higher standard. Whether in dress, academics, professionalism or relationships, bottom tier just doesn’t cut it. We refuse to settle but, rather, seek the highest, not for our own sake, but our brothers and sisters, national organizations, alumni, classmates, friends, family, acquaintances.

The ritual teaches us that, if we haven’t done something today to give back, we haven’t done enough. Your goal as a member is to leave your organization better than when you found it. Fortunately, we have each day of the rest of our lives to do this, as the ritual also teaches us that membership is not only for our college years, but for a lifetime.

So take the remaining days of National Ritual Celebration Week to reflect not on the ceremony, but on the message and values presented during your organization’s ritual. Then wear your badge proudly, not because it’s an honor, not because you know the secrets, but because you desire nothing more from membership than to include everyone you encounter in the privilege of living your values.


National Panhellenic Conference (NPC) International Badge Day is Monday, March 7, 2011. Proudly wear your badge to perpetuate a diverse and inclusive sisterhood among the Panhellenic community and display your values and ideals with loyalty, confidence and distinction.

Unrequested Advice from Grandma

I got lots of great feedback from my recent post about travel hassles, but no response was quite as stellar as this email I received from my grandmother giving me her two cents on the subject. I thought I’d pass it along not just because it’s good advice, but everyone needs a little grandma in their lives:

Lauren, when I was your age I would have done the same thing you did – nothing when your “male” seat passenger hogged too much space.

But, being the grown up I am now, this is my advice to you: you don’t have to take anything rude from anyone; especially someone who is so self-absorbed that he has no manners at all.

My reaction would have been this if it had happened to me:

1. Tap him on the arm (how hard is up to you)

2. Smile sweetly and remark: “Pardon me, sir. You and your newspaper are taking up more space than you paid for and I would appreciate your moving over and letting me enjoy the rest of this flight.”

First of all, he will be extremely surprised that a sweet little thing like you would speak up for herself; but, honey, you just have to teach some people lessons that they should have learned long ago.

You and I have been very fortunate that the “men” we’ve grown up with have respect for the “ladies” and would bend over backwards to not only help fellow passengers, but would have never infringed on another’s space.

Lecture over. Love you oodles.

Spot on, Grandma! You rock.

Takeoff, Talkers and the TSA

An excerpt from a recent conversation I had by text message:

Caitlin: I’m at our favorite Starbucks at DFW! Miss you!

Me: You’re enjoying a hot coffee and I just got groped by TSA. Fabulous.

And with the holidays coming up you, too, may receive the jolly gift of having a TSA agent feel around your sensitive areas! Merry Christmas!

You’ve heard about the increased security measures, right? Holy privacy invasion! Don’t get me wrong, I am all for greater safety measures as I fly. I understand that protection from threat is the number one priority in these increased measures.

But, goodness, is it awkward.

And the last thing anyone wants to be at the airport is out-of-place and uncooperative. Therefore, here are my top five awkward situations at the airport and how to avoid them.

1. The wrong footwear.
Slip-ons, fellow travelers! Slip-ons! It’s bad enough having to wait behind someone who must re-lace his shoes. It’s even worse when the woman in front of you wore her highest heels with 15 separate buckles.
Another tip about shoes: stash some flats in your carry-on. Your tootsies will thank you during your long layover.

2. Ding! You can unbuckle.
Whether the light goes off midflight or after you descend, 32 people will hop up in the aisle.
If it’s midflight and you must use the lavatory, you now have two options: do a ninja slide over the tray tables of the passengers next to you and race to the back of the plane or strategically plan your exit. This will take some patience, as you will have to wait for 32 others to finish their business, but, with luck, you’ll make it in and out with minimal awkward waiting next to the last rows on the airplane and back to your seat just in time for the light to da-ding back on.
If you’ve landed, just stay seated! You’ll be more comfortable since you’re definitely not going anywhere. A game of “hurry up and wait” does not make the doors open any faster.

3. Find an empty terminal to use your cell.
Recently on a connection in Detroit, I had to listen to a grown man coo to his girlfriend about her sexy policewoman Halloween costume. I shake my head in shame to remember the incident.
Direct quote: “Baby, baby. Oooh yeah. I can’t wait for Halloween. You’ve got me all excited. Mmhmm.”
Sheesh. This is just a modern common courtesy, friends. Have those convos in private.

4. Watch your elbows.
Once I suffered on the three-hour flight from Seattle to Denver with a newspaper I had no interest in reading in my face. The man next to me felt it necessary to hog the armrest and hold his reading material across my seat. Awkward, right? Space is precious on an airplane, and your seatmate deserves just as much room as you do.

5. You miss your flight, forget your passport, have to go through the metal detector five times (don’t worry, they’ve got special measures now,) or otherwise have a terrible experience at the airport.
Just smile! Who would I be if I didn’t end this post optimistically? Just remind yourself that your chatty neighbor in 16B really just wants a new friend, and I’ll keep telling myself that the TSA is lucky to get a feel of my goods.

Happy holiday travels!

"Let us found a society..."

"…that shall be kind alike to all and think more of a girl's inner self and character than of her personal appearance."

This quote by Tri Delta founder Sarah Ida Shaw defines a significant purpose of our organization, and, luckily, ties last week’s post into a neat little bow. And you know how much I love bows.

Sarah Ida (called Sally by her best friend and co-founder Eleanor) knew what she was talking about all the way back in 1888.

Today, however, I’d like to touch on what might possibly be an overlooked word in that quote: kind.

Kind alike to all. To all. Not just to Tri Delta collegians, alumnae and legacies, but to all. Let’s talk about that.

The value of kindness kept popping up for me this week, first on the Today Show. (I’m a huge fan. Watch every morning in lieu of “real” news. Judge me if you like. I also just realized I could write an entire post on how much I love the Today Show.)

Moving on.

The segment posed the question, “Is civility dead?” and discussed everything from our rude use of gadgets to bad behavior on TV. Or, to add my own point, calling people “fatties” in a blog post.

The second time the value of kindness appeared for me this week was at the Creighton Tri Delta chapter’s new member meeting. We had a long discussion on values, character and ideals, and evaluated the concept that each of our personal values links to the values of the Fraternity to create a giving relationship. As the new members discussed their own values, I contemplated mine: integrity, loyalty and kindness.

Finally, Creighton’s Panhellenic officers hosted a viewing of the documentary “Finding Kind,” a movie about a pair of female Pepperdine grads that take a roadtrip to celebrate kindness and work to banish the taunting and bullying that happens in “girl world.” It was an excellent movie and I’ve embedded the trailer below.

Of the incredible points the filmmakers made in “Finding Kind,” one in particular stood out to me: kindness is free. It doesn’t cost anything to have good will toward others and treat them with dignity. Selflessness won’t cost you a dime, but will pay the goodness forward in innumerable ways.

I was lucky enough to experience a random act of kindness just last night. After locking myself out of my apartment building for the millionth time, a couple friends helped me buzz residents in the complex until someone answered. That someone was an elderly man named Mr. Clem Crowley. It was midnight, but he was the only person that took the time to answer the call, put on his shoes and make his way to the lobby to let me in. I was not only grateful to get in out of the November cold, but also that he saw me as worthy of his kindness.

This week, I’ve challenged myself to reflect Mr. Crowley’s kindness to all I meet. I hope to make Sarah Ida proud and simply to add a little happiness in someone’s day.

Will you do the same?

The “Finding Kind” trailer:

2%

Skim? No, I’m not talking about milk. Try slim. Two percent is the number of American women that can naturally and healthily achieve the ideal body type of a runway model. You can picture her now, right? Tall as a skyscraper, luscious hair, and a thin, lean body. Beautiful.

So what about the other 98 percent of us?

We, as a culture, have a serious obsession with looks, and I’ve often wished for one of those “clickers” that would record the number of times I think I look fat every single day.

You may have heard about the recent blog post by Marie Claire Magazine entitled “Should ‘Fatties’ Get a Room? (Even on TV?)” and the controversy it has caused. Though the blogger has since apologized for her brashness, here is an excerpt from the original article:

“Yes, I think I'd be grossed out if I had to watch two characters with rolls and rolls of fat kissing each other ... because I'd be grossed out if I had to watch them doing anything. To be brutally honest, even in real life, I find it aesthetically displeasing to watch a very, very fat person simply walk across a room — just like I'd find it distressing if I saw a very drunk person stumbling across a bar or a heroin addict slumping in a chair.”

First, to compare the obese to a heroin addict is appalling to me. Second, when are we going to wake up and put a stop to this negative talk about our bodies?

Body image is not a joke. To add to the statistic above, 42 percent of young girls in the first through third grades believe they need to be thinner. What are we coming to when seven-year-olds think they’re fat?

To stop this tragedy in its tracks, Tri Delta has launched the Reflections: Body Image Program®, the only program of its kind, proven to improve the body image of sorority women.

It works because it asks participants to focus on the “healthy ideal” as opposed to the “thin ideal.” Whenever I lose focus on the healthy ideal, I like to think about what my body does for me rather than how it looks. My feet, for instance, carry me to some amazing places. My eyes have seen sights that have taken my breath away. My heart is beating and I am healthily able to think and write. Thank you, body.

Tri Delta encourages collegians to celebrate Fat Talk Free Week each October. During that time, we compliment each other on traits that are not physical, but rather those that make us truly beautiful, inside and out.

To learn more about how to bring the Reflections: Body Image Program® to your campus, visit www.ReflectionsProgram.org. See also, www.EndFatTalk.org and www.TriDelta.org.

Statistics in this post are from the Reflections: Body Image Program® and this article featured on www.WebMD.com: http://teens.webmd.com/girls-puberty-10/girls-eating-disorders?page=1

Going Down the Only Road I've Ever Known

I'm at DIA waiting for my connection to Omaha. It’s quite a layover, and I’ve settled in for the wait. I’ve got my hazelnut coffee within reach and I found my favorite seat in the terminal—the one at the end of the row facing the floor-to-ceiling windows. Unfortunately, I must be facing the north, east or south because the mountains are nowhere in sight.

Currently playing on my iPod is “Here I Go Again on My Own.” You know, the one by Whitesnake. Take moment to rock out in your head. Yeah!

Though I’m thoroughly enjoying this great song, the words could not be a more distorted reflection of my needs in the last week. My job requires me to be largely independent: living on my own in a new city, using my own judgment when assessing the needs of a chapter, as well as traveling, eating and writing reports on my own.

But this week I needed people. I craved family and friendship, love and camaraderie. Why was this week different? October 9 marked the first anniversary of my father’s death.

When I lost my dad, I felt as though I was in a dark tunnel for months. Light was dim and I was claustrophobic. I had serious doubts that I could handle a life of solitary traveling. Before I left, a woman I trust recommended I spend extra time maintaining contact with those I love in order to avoid loneliness on the road.

I was wary; this would be a stretch for me, as I am not typically the one to reach out. I made the effort, though, and I was surprised. I didn’t even have to work at it! My heart swells to remember how my family and friends rallied to show me they are thinking of me while I’m away. I came home this week to an incredibly warm reception from my close friends, chapter members, mother and little brother. Not to mention my colleagues miles away in Texas and dispersed across the US.

I shouldn’t be surprised, but I want you all to know the extent of my gratitude for your love and support. During what could have been a dreadfully tough week for me, you showed me that I am not alone. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.

The week ended pleasantly, and I am happily moving forward. I visited the cemetery with my mother and grandparents, and my mom simultaneously laughed and cried as she anointed Dad’s grave with Dr. Pepper, his favorite drink. Now, en route to my next visit, I remember this fondly and know it is the support of those who love me that helps beat the grief away.

I’m aware that this is a less charming post than others I’ve published, but I feel it’s important to disclose the details of this job and traveling lifestyle fairly and with respect to all human emotion. Everyone’s life is tough sometimes, and I want my readers to know that I am human, too.

Thank you for not only bearing with me, but keeping me aloft! You were my inspiration this week, and, at the risk of being a cheeseball, you’ll always have a place in my heart.

I am a T! I am a T-R! You know the rest.

Happy autumn! Today I have officially been traveling for one month and one day, and the time has flown. My first break has come and gone, but sufficient rest is a goal I have not yet achieved.

August and September are pivotal months for sorority women. At the close of every summer, we go back to our respective schools armed with teasing combs and T-shirts hot off the press. We’ve rehearsed our lines for weeks, but are utterly spontaneous and flexible in our delivery. Our jaws hurt from chatting, smiling and sing-screaming till your ears bleed. (The goal is, of course, to make the women waiting down the street look back at your house.) Remember those days? It’s recruitment time!

I get asked a lot whether recruitment is the same around the country, and the answer is yes. Now, there are exceptions depending on university culture, but formal recruitment is still the method most commonly utilized to gain new membership among NPC sororities. Though the process takes a lot of work (can I get a Delta?), recruitment is the ultimate bonding experience for a chapter. Plus, it’s the only time of year it makes sense to wear matching outfits and maniacally scream at people on your doorstep.

Despite what I’ve said above, the chapters I speak to about recruitment must learn to look beyond those fun but silly details. New membership is not about hairspray and door decorations. Nor is it about surviving the week and offering a few bids. The process of recruitment ultimately blossoms into a group of individuals--unique women that have chosen to celebrate all that is Tri Delta, or whichever organization they choose.

The best technique I ever learned about recruitment is that people join people, not organizations. When a potential new member participates in recruitment, she simply does not care about what your symbols represent. It doesn’t matter to her that your chapter won Greek Sing last year. You know what does matter to her? You.

Think back to your recruitment experience. Quick--who do you remember? If you’re like most, you can think of one person you spoke to that simply made you yearn to be her sister. Mine was Megan Shelton. I was torn between Tri Delta and another chapter, but when I saw Megan waiting for me at the chapter house door on preference night, my decision was made. Sure, I smiled at the slideshow and got goosebumps during the skit, but I felt at home because Megan was at my side.

Of course, the moment your bid is accepted by a new member, your next step is retaining her. Show her that the organization to which she’s dedicated her life will reciprocate that devotion and love. More on that in a future post.

I am moved to write about this crucial time of year partially because my own Tri Delta chapter, Phi Xi at Wichita State University, is recruiting in full force at this very moment. So please forgive me as I give them a shout out. Best of luck, Phi Xi sisters! Sing those songs, smile those smiles and try not to get too loud in the Great Room. Celebrate Bid Day like it’s the best day of your life—you deserve it!

I’ve seen the incredible numbers submitted in recruitment reports across the nation, and though they are fantastic, numbers on paper aren’t the true gift of recruitment. It’s great to make quota and get new T-shirts, but always remember that the people make the experience. And that experience starts with you.

One more thing: I have a plea to all Tri Deltas across the country. Can we PLEASE quit refering to our new members “Baby Deltas?” They’re not babies. The moment we look at new members as younger as or less experienced than the rest of the membership, we lose our credibility. Absorb them into your sisterhood as equals. Better results guaranteed!