Unrequested Advice from Grandma

I got lots of great feedback from my recent post about travel hassles, but no response was quite as stellar as this email I received from my grandmother giving me her two cents on the subject. I thought I’d pass it along not just because it’s good advice, but everyone needs a little grandma in their lives:

Lauren, when I was your age I would have done the same thing you did – nothing when your “male” seat passenger hogged too much space.

But, being the grown up I am now, this is my advice to you: you don’t have to take anything rude from anyone; especially someone who is so self-absorbed that he has no manners at all.

My reaction would have been this if it had happened to me:

1. Tap him on the arm (how hard is up to you)

2. Smile sweetly and remark: “Pardon me, sir. You and your newspaper are taking up more space than you paid for and I would appreciate your moving over and letting me enjoy the rest of this flight.”

First of all, he will be extremely surprised that a sweet little thing like you would speak up for herself; but, honey, you just have to teach some people lessons that they should have learned long ago.

You and I have been very fortunate that the “men” we’ve grown up with have respect for the “ladies” and would bend over backwards to not only help fellow passengers, but would have never infringed on another’s space.

Lecture over. Love you oodles.

Spot on, Grandma! You rock.

Takeoff, Talkers and the TSA

An excerpt from a recent conversation I had by text message:

Caitlin: I’m at our favorite Starbucks at DFW! Miss you!

Me: You’re enjoying a hot coffee and I just got groped by TSA. Fabulous.

And with the holidays coming up you, too, may receive the jolly gift of having a TSA agent feel around your sensitive areas! Merry Christmas!

You’ve heard about the increased security measures, right? Holy privacy invasion! Don’t get me wrong, I am all for greater safety measures as I fly. I understand that protection from threat is the number one priority in these increased measures.

But, goodness, is it awkward.

And the last thing anyone wants to be at the airport is out-of-place and uncooperative. Therefore, here are my top five awkward situations at the airport and how to avoid them.

1. The wrong footwear.
Slip-ons, fellow travelers! Slip-ons! It’s bad enough having to wait behind someone who must re-lace his shoes. It’s even worse when the woman in front of you wore her highest heels with 15 separate buckles.
Another tip about shoes: stash some flats in your carry-on. Your tootsies will thank you during your long layover.

2. Ding! You can unbuckle.
Whether the light goes off midflight or after you descend, 32 people will hop up in the aisle.
If it’s midflight and you must use the lavatory, you now have two options: do a ninja slide over the tray tables of the passengers next to you and race to the back of the plane or strategically plan your exit. This will take some patience, as you will have to wait for 32 others to finish their business, but, with luck, you’ll make it in and out with minimal awkward waiting next to the last rows on the airplane and back to your seat just in time for the light to da-ding back on.
If you’ve landed, just stay seated! You’ll be more comfortable since you’re definitely not going anywhere. A game of “hurry up and wait” does not make the doors open any faster.

3. Find an empty terminal to use your cell.
Recently on a connection in Detroit, I had to listen to a grown man coo to his girlfriend about her sexy policewoman Halloween costume. I shake my head in shame to remember the incident.
Direct quote: “Baby, baby. Oooh yeah. I can’t wait for Halloween. You’ve got me all excited. Mmhmm.”
Sheesh. This is just a modern common courtesy, friends. Have those convos in private.

4. Watch your elbows.
Once I suffered on the three-hour flight from Seattle to Denver with a newspaper I had no interest in reading in my face. The man next to me felt it necessary to hog the armrest and hold his reading material across my seat. Awkward, right? Space is precious on an airplane, and your seatmate deserves just as much room as you do.

5. You miss your flight, forget your passport, have to go through the metal detector five times (don’t worry, they’ve got special measures now,) or otherwise have a terrible experience at the airport.
Just smile! Who would I be if I didn’t end this post optimistically? Just remind yourself that your chatty neighbor in 16B really just wants a new friend, and I’ll keep telling myself that the TSA is lucky to get a feel of my goods.

Happy holiday travels!

"Let us found a society..."

"…that shall be kind alike to all and think more of a girl's inner self and character than of her personal appearance."

This quote by Tri Delta founder Sarah Ida Shaw defines a significant purpose of our organization, and, luckily, ties last week’s post into a neat little bow. And you know how much I love bows.

Sarah Ida (called Sally by her best friend and co-founder Eleanor) knew what she was talking about all the way back in 1888.

Today, however, I’d like to touch on what might possibly be an overlooked word in that quote: kind.

Kind alike to all. To all. Not just to Tri Delta collegians, alumnae and legacies, but to all. Let’s talk about that.

The value of kindness kept popping up for me this week, first on the Today Show. (I’m a huge fan. Watch every morning in lieu of “real” news. Judge me if you like. I also just realized I could write an entire post on how much I love the Today Show.)

Moving on.

The segment posed the question, “Is civility dead?” and discussed everything from our rude use of gadgets to bad behavior on TV. Or, to add my own point, calling people “fatties” in a blog post.

The second time the value of kindness appeared for me this week was at the Creighton Tri Delta chapter’s new member meeting. We had a long discussion on values, character and ideals, and evaluated the concept that each of our personal values links to the values of the Fraternity to create a giving relationship. As the new members discussed their own values, I contemplated mine: integrity, loyalty and kindness.

Finally, Creighton’s Panhellenic officers hosted a viewing of the documentary “Finding Kind,” a movie about a pair of female Pepperdine grads that take a roadtrip to celebrate kindness and work to banish the taunting and bullying that happens in “girl world.” It was an excellent movie and I’ve embedded the trailer below.

Of the incredible points the filmmakers made in “Finding Kind,” one in particular stood out to me: kindness is free. It doesn’t cost anything to have good will toward others and treat them with dignity. Selflessness won’t cost you a dime, but will pay the goodness forward in innumerable ways.

I was lucky enough to experience a random act of kindness just last night. After locking myself out of my apartment building for the millionth time, a couple friends helped me buzz residents in the complex until someone answered. That someone was an elderly man named Mr. Clem Crowley. It was midnight, but he was the only person that took the time to answer the call, put on his shoes and make his way to the lobby to let me in. I was not only grateful to get in out of the November cold, but also that he saw me as worthy of his kindness.

This week, I’ve challenged myself to reflect Mr. Crowley’s kindness to all I meet. I hope to make Sarah Ida proud and simply to add a little happiness in someone’s day.

Will you do the same?

The “Finding Kind” trailer:

2%

Skim? No, I’m not talking about milk. Try slim. Two percent is the number of American women that can naturally and healthily achieve the ideal body type of a runway model. You can picture her now, right? Tall as a skyscraper, luscious hair, and a thin, lean body. Beautiful.

So what about the other 98 percent of us?

We, as a culture, have a serious obsession with looks, and I’ve often wished for one of those “clickers” that would record the number of times I think I look fat every single day.

You may have heard about the recent blog post by Marie Claire Magazine entitled “Should ‘Fatties’ Get a Room? (Even on TV?)” and the controversy it has caused. Though the blogger has since apologized for her brashness, here is an excerpt from the original article:

“Yes, I think I'd be grossed out if I had to watch two characters with rolls and rolls of fat kissing each other ... because I'd be grossed out if I had to watch them doing anything. To be brutally honest, even in real life, I find it aesthetically displeasing to watch a very, very fat person simply walk across a room — just like I'd find it distressing if I saw a very drunk person stumbling across a bar or a heroin addict slumping in a chair.”

First, to compare the obese to a heroin addict is appalling to me. Second, when are we going to wake up and put a stop to this negative talk about our bodies?

Body image is not a joke. To add to the statistic above, 42 percent of young girls in the first through third grades believe they need to be thinner. What are we coming to when seven-year-olds think they’re fat?

To stop this tragedy in its tracks, Tri Delta has launched the Reflections: Body Image Program®, the only program of its kind, proven to improve the body image of sorority women.

It works because it asks participants to focus on the “healthy ideal” as opposed to the “thin ideal.” Whenever I lose focus on the healthy ideal, I like to think about what my body does for me rather than how it looks. My feet, for instance, carry me to some amazing places. My eyes have seen sights that have taken my breath away. My heart is beating and I am healthily able to think and write. Thank you, body.

Tri Delta encourages collegians to celebrate Fat Talk Free Week each October. During that time, we compliment each other on traits that are not physical, but rather those that make us truly beautiful, inside and out.

To learn more about how to bring the Reflections: Body Image Program® to your campus, visit www.ReflectionsProgram.org. See also, www.EndFatTalk.org and www.TriDelta.org.

Statistics in this post are from the Reflections: Body Image Program® and this article featured on www.WebMD.com: http://teens.webmd.com/girls-puberty-10/girls-eating-disorders?page=1

Going Down the Only Road I've Ever Known

I'm at DIA waiting for my connection to Omaha. It’s quite a layover, and I’ve settled in for the wait. I’ve got my hazelnut coffee within reach and I found my favorite seat in the terminal—the one at the end of the row facing the floor-to-ceiling windows. Unfortunately, I must be facing the north, east or south because the mountains are nowhere in sight.

Currently playing on my iPod is “Here I Go Again on My Own.” You know, the one by Whitesnake. Take moment to rock out in your head. Yeah!

Though I’m thoroughly enjoying this great song, the words could not be a more distorted reflection of my needs in the last week. My job requires me to be largely independent: living on my own in a new city, using my own judgment when assessing the needs of a chapter, as well as traveling, eating and writing reports on my own.

But this week I needed people. I craved family and friendship, love and camaraderie. Why was this week different? October 9 marked the first anniversary of my father’s death.

When I lost my dad, I felt as though I was in a dark tunnel for months. Light was dim and I was claustrophobic. I had serious doubts that I could handle a life of solitary traveling. Before I left, a woman I trust recommended I spend extra time maintaining contact with those I love in order to avoid loneliness on the road.

I was wary; this would be a stretch for me, as I am not typically the one to reach out. I made the effort, though, and I was surprised. I didn’t even have to work at it! My heart swells to remember how my family and friends rallied to show me they are thinking of me while I’m away. I came home this week to an incredibly warm reception from my close friends, chapter members, mother and little brother. Not to mention my colleagues miles away in Texas and dispersed across the US.

I shouldn’t be surprised, but I want you all to know the extent of my gratitude for your love and support. During what could have been a dreadfully tough week for me, you showed me that I am not alone. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.

The week ended pleasantly, and I am happily moving forward. I visited the cemetery with my mother and grandparents, and my mom simultaneously laughed and cried as she anointed Dad’s grave with Dr. Pepper, his favorite drink. Now, en route to my next visit, I remember this fondly and know it is the support of those who love me that helps beat the grief away.

I’m aware that this is a less charming post than others I’ve published, but I feel it’s important to disclose the details of this job and traveling lifestyle fairly and with respect to all human emotion. Everyone’s life is tough sometimes, and I want my readers to know that I am human, too.

Thank you for not only bearing with me, but keeping me aloft! You were my inspiration this week, and, at the risk of being a cheeseball, you’ll always have a place in my heart.

I am a T! I am a T-R! You know the rest.

Happy autumn! Today I have officially been traveling for one month and one day, and the time has flown. My first break has come and gone, but sufficient rest is a goal I have not yet achieved.

August and September are pivotal months for sorority women. At the close of every summer, we go back to our respective schools armed with teasing combs and T-shirts hot off the press. We’ve rehearsed our lines for weeks, but are utterly spontaneous and flexible in our delivery. Our jaws hurt from chatting, smiling and sing-screaming till your ears bleed. (The goal is, of course, to make the women waiting down the street look back at your house.) Remember those days? It’s recruitment time!

I get asked a lot whether recruitment is the same around the country, and the answer is yes. Now, there are exceptions depending on university culture, but formal recruitment is still the method most commonly utilized to gain new membership among NPC sororities. Though the process takes a lot of work (can I get a Delta?), recruitment is the ultimate bonding experience for a chapter. Plus, it’s the only time of year it makes sense to wear matching outfits and maniacally scream at people on your doorstep.

Despite what I’ve said above, the chapters I speak to about recruitment must learn to look beyond those fun but silly details. New membership is not about hairspray and door decorations. Nor is it about surviving the week and offering a few bids. The process of recruitment ultimately blossoms into a group of individuals--unique women that have chosen to celebrate all that is Tri Delta, or whichever organization they choose.

The best technique I ever learned about recruitment is that people join people, not organizations. When a potential new member participates in recruitment, she simply does not care about what your symbols represent. It doesn’t matter to her that your chapter won Greek Sing last year. You know what does matter to her? You.

Think back to your recruitment experience. Quick--who do you remember? If you’re like most, you can think of one person you spoke to that simply made you yearn to be her sister. Mine was Megan Shelton. I was torn between Tri Delta and another chapter, but when I saw Megan waiting for me at the chapter house door on preference night, my decision was made. Sure, I smiled at the slideshow and got goosebumps during the skit, but I felt at home because Megan was at my side.

Of course, the moment your bid is accepted by a new member, your next step is retaining her. Show her that the organization to which she’s dedicated her life will reciprocate that devotion and love. More on that in a future post.

I am moved to write about this crucial time of year partially because my own Tri Delta chapter, Phi Xi at Wichita State University, is recruiting in full force at this very moment. So please forgive me as I give them a shout out. Best of luck, Phi Xi sisters! Sing those songs, smile those smiles and try not to get too loud in the Great Room. Celebrate Bid Day like it’s the best day of your life—you deserve it!

I’ve seen the incredible numbers submitted in recruitment reports across the nation, and though they are fantastic, numbers on paper aren’t the true gift of recruitment. It’s great to make quota and get new T-shirts, but always remember that the people make the experience. And that experience starts with you.

One more thing: I have a plea to all Tri Deltas across the country. Can we PLEASE quit refering to our new members “Baby Deltas?” They’re not babies. The moment we look at new members as younger as or less experienced than the rest of the membership, we lose our credibility. Absorb them into your sisterhood as equals. Better results guaranteed!

When a Field Consultant falls in the forest, does she make a sound?

Yes, yes she does. And the 20 Tri Deltas sitting around the campfire all turn to stare.

Welcome to Wyoming!

I began this visit with an early flight from Pullman, Washington, to Seattle. After connecting in Denver, I boarded the wimpiest plane I’ve ever encountered to make the short, but not so sweet, flight to Laramie, Wyoming. It was but two rows wide and powered by propellers. (Thump, thump… that was my heart. And the engine.)

Now I’m no scaredy-cat flyer, but when that plane took to the skies over the Rocky Mountains and then promptly dropped 1,000 feet in the turbulent wind, I admit I said a prayer. Apparently it was heard, because we landed safely 30 minutes later. My luggage, however, was sitting somewhere in Denver.

If there’s one thing to know about this job, it’s all about rolling with the punches. Lost luggage? Find the nearest Target. Power goes out in the guest room from your hairdryer? Take that wet mop upstairs. The very first day on the job, each one of us FCs emailed each other about something nutty that happened, including tripping down a mountain, walking out of the bathroom with your skirt tucked up your undies, and getting pooped on by a bird.

I was finally able to sit back and laugh about it all this morning with someone who understands! Trent Patterson, a Regional Director for Sigma Phi Epsilon and fellow 2010 graduate of Wichita State, is traveling in the northwest this year and happened to be visiting Wyoming during the first day of my stay. He took me to breakfast, and we laughed about those, and all sorts of other crazy things that only happen on the road. Seeing a friendly, familiar face in the midst of this consultant whirlwind was refreshing and rejuvenating.

And that brings me to the rest of my day today. I trekked out to a lodge in the wilderness with the Wyoming Tri Deltas for their pre-recruitment retreat. I led a small conversation workshop and then we played games and did team-building activities. These girls are a fun bunch! We laughed a ton—see the pictures attached.

At the end of the day we gathered around the campfire for a fireside (with real fire!) It was at this point that I decided to climb a small hill to get another picture of the group of them. And then I slipped on the pine needles and fell.

After Queen’s “Another One Bites the Dust” stopped ringing in my ears, I sat back and laughed. When else will I be in the Wyoming mountains with these incredible women again? This experience is too haphazard, too inconceivable to sweat the small stuff. I can’t predict the craziness, so bring it on.

My Sliding Door Moment

Have you ever faced a decision that has the opportunity to change your life? A good friend of mine calls such occasions sliding door moments. And even though the terminology is traced to a 1998 movie starring Gwyneth Paltrow, the effect of your own sliding door moment will no doubt impact your outlook on life for years.

In the movie, Gwyneth catches a train by mere seconds. The sliding doors close and she’s whisked home to find her husband cheating on her. In an alternate parallel universe, however, the sliding doors close before Gwyneth can board. She goes on with life, never discovering the lie that’s right under her nose.

Poor, poor Gwyneth.

The truth is we all face those sliding door moments in our lives. Taking a new job, blurting out a statement you’re dying to say, or, conversely, keeping it in. Do you catch the train that will change your life? Or should you stay put and continue on the comfortable path?

The same good friend that opened my eyes to the power of the sliding door moment is a traveler, like me, that takes to the skies every four days to effect change on college campuses across the nation. To her, we get a sliding door moment every time we board a new plane. That flying metal tube practically hands us the ticket to a new adventure, and it’s up to us to decide whether our lives will change.

But is that really possible? And will my transformation, if I decide to transform, be a simple adjustment or a personal revolution? This is what's on my mind as I watch the doors open, sitting at gate C27 in the DFW airport.

Here’s what I do know: I’m getting on the train.

I want to know about your own sliding door moment. Did you walk confidently through the doors or watch them close? And have you faced consequences since?